I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Randomize
