i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
