Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize