you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
