Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
