so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
