get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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