I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
i just had sex bonerless
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
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