LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
