did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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