i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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