You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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