my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
