i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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