Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
