just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
