Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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