I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
