You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Randomize
