Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
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