How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
