Cold hands, warm shart.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
