Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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