office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
