Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Randomize
