The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Randomize