she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
