As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
