I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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