What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
