Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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