look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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