I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
