i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
