you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
