he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
