I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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