i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
