My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
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