im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
