It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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