Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
