I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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