Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
