ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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