He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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