she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
This is the high leading the old right now
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
