I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
where are my eyebrows?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize