is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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