Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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