I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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