I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
