Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I need a burrito and a hug.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
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