I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
