Whod you bang
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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