He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
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