i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
