dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
