Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
