So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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