So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
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