You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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