she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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