but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
