Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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