my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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