I need help removing her.
i think i have herpe
just one?
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
