Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
