tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
