That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I'm like, not good at living.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
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