I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
