I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
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