It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize