I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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