I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
