whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize