i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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