I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
