So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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