Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
