Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
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