I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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