Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
only if we run a train.
done.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
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