So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
