So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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