guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
