it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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