The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Randomize
