i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
