ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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