Someone shit on the floor
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
