3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
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