Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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