i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
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