You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
