Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
