Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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