So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
