Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
It's just like the Real World with babies
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
