Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
