I got chris browned last night
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
