Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
