It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
