i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
