I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Randomize
