worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
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