In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
